The Blog

Today, I want to dive into a really intriguing article over on GQ titled “It’s Time to Retire Toxic Masculinity.” Written by a talented female journalist, the piece does a brilliant job of tackling some heavy themes around contemporary masculinity, and I think it’s high time for us men to have an honest chat about it, not just amongst ourselves, but also how these conversations can foster a healthier community.

Now, before we get into the nitty gritty, let’s first sort out what we mean when we say “toxic masculinity.” It’s a term that often gets thrown around, but in essence, it refers to cultural norms that equate masculinity with a few core ideas: aggression, emotional suppression, and the tendency to demean those seen as weaker or different. The issue isn’t masculinity itself, but rather the rigid and harmful expectations that come with it.

Who Decides What’s Masculine?

In her article, the journalist makes a compelling case for reassessing what masculinity should mean in today’s context. The norms we’ve historically held onto can sometimes feel like an ill fitting suit, tight in all the wrong places, and incredibly uncomfortable to wear. Take the classic British stiff upper lip, for example. While it has its merits in promoting resilience, it can also discourage men from opening up about their feelings. When was the last time we checked in with a mate and actually got an honest answer rather than the stereotypical “I’m fine”?

We live in a society that often defines masculinity through aggression and stoicism, while dismissing traits like compassion and vulnerability as “weak.” This is particularly evident in the UK, where traditional football chants still echo through stadiums, flinging insults at opponents and creating an environment that promotes a “man up” mentality. Just think about the last match you attended; how many times did someone tell their mate to “stop being a girl” after a loss? Each quip might seem harmless, but it reinforces a damaging narrative about what it means to be a man.

The Importance of Emotional Intelligence

In reading this GQ article, it struck me how important emotional intelligence is, something that’s often overlooked in “masculine” circles. The journalist discusses how men can be taught to harness their emotions healthily instead of bottling them up. Mental health issues among men are on the rise, and much of it can be attributed to the stigma surrounding emotional expression. We seem to forget that showing vulnerability isn’t a sign of weakness but, rather, an incredible strength.

I’m not saying we should all sit around, drink herbal tea, and share our deepest fears during a therapy session (though, if that’s your jam, no judgment!). However, opening up a dialogue about how we feel can help break down the walls we’ve built around expressing emotion. After all, we’re all human, and being human means experiencing a whole range of emotions, happiness, sadness, anger, and everything in between.

What About Role Models?

Let’s also talk about the role models we look up to. In the GQ article, there’s an emphasis on the need for positive male role models who embody a more adaptive form of masculinity. In recent years, public figures like footballer Marcus Rashford have taken the lead in showcasing a more compassionate side of manhood, one that prioritises community and empathy over aggression. He’s broken down barriers by engaging in food poverty campaigns and challenging government policies, which, frankly, is a much needed breath of fresh air.

Contrast that with some of the more traditional male figures we’ve seen on TV, many of whom embody the blunt, unapologetically rough masculinity that can often overshadow the softer, more nuanced traits. The challenge here is multi-faceted: how can we elevate those who reflect a healthy masculinity narrative while also addressing the confusion many have around what ‘being a man’ truly means today?

The Changing Landscape of Masculinity

Let’s not beat around the bush, the landscape of masculinity is changing, whether we want it to or not. With younger generations becoming increasingly aware of mental health issues and societal expectations, it’s about time us older fellas took a cue from their approach. Check out the rising trend of men being more open about their struggles on platforms like TikTok or Instagram. They’re setting an incredible example of vulnerability, urging their peers to break the stigma surrounding mental health.

Perhaps we need to adopt these changes ourselves, even in the workplace. The “man up” mentality that once dominated is now being replaced with a more understanding approach. Colleagues can share life events, and rather than offering hollow advice, we can create a support system where emotional validation is the norm. It’s all about redefining what it means to be a man in a positive light.

Final Thoughts

After reading the thought provoking GQ article, I can’t help but feel optimistic about the conversation surrounding masculinity. The shift towards a more inviting, emotionally aware definition is not just positive, it’s crucial. It’s about creating a space where being yourself, whether that includes being stoic or sensitive, is completely accepted.

As blokes, we ought to champion these conversations, support one another in our journeys, and redefine what it is to be a man. The future generation, whether they’re in a classroom or out on the pitch, deserves a far more inclusive narrative than the one we inherited. So, let’s start today, shall we? Instead of burying our heads in the sand, let’s embrace this chance for growth, healing, and mutual respect. Remember, it’s okay to be vulnerable and to seek help; it’s okay to challenge the status quo of masculinity.

So, next time you’re hanging out with your mates, bring it up! The conversation might just change a life, including yours.