The Blog

Chasing happiness can often feel like grasping at smoke. We dream big, aspire to be more, and set our sights on achievements, possessions, and relationships, thinking they will fill us with joy and contentment. But let’s be real for a moment: It’s probably not going to be what we hope. It’s not going to feel as we dreamed. It’s not going to make us happy. It’s not going to satisfy us. Sound familiar?

The history of humankind is littered with stories of conquerors and dreamers, a saga of individuals who sought fulfillment through external pursuits. Yet, despite all the conquests, ambitions, and aspirations, the question remains: has any conqueror ever truly been satisfied? Have any of these pursuits ever entirely fulfilled the yearning we feel deep down? Did they not end up being a little bittersweet, maybe even somewhat underwhelming?

The Underlying Truth

Let’s take a step back and really think about it. The Stoics, those ancient philosophers who could teach us a thing or two, understood this essential truth about human nature. They recognised the futility of putting our happiness into the hands of external factors. We often lose sight of it, allowing our dreams and desires to dictate our state of mind. But deep down, there’s a part of us that knows: happiness isn’t found in what we possess or achieve but in how we perceive and engage with the world around us.

Have you ever noticed how often people obsess over the next big thing? The next promotion, the new car, or the ideal relationship, whatever it may be. There is this insatiable longing, fueled by the belief that happiness lies just around the corner, waiting for us to discover it. Yet, when we finally reach that goal, how often do we find it’s not quite as fulfilling as we anticipated?

Recent studies and an overwhelming amount of anecdotal evidence suggest that fulfillment derived from external sources is often short lived. The thrill of the chase, whatever it is, carries a rush that feels fantastic in the moment, but is fleeting. Soon enough, we are left wanting more, yearning for the next ‘thing’ to come along and fill that void.

The Bittersweet Nature of Expectations

Expectations can be a tricky business. We invest a lot into our aspirations, building them up in our minds as transformative milestones. However, we should acknowledge that the pressure of these expectations often leads to disappointment. Think of all those grand plans you had. What about that vacation that ended up being a logistical nightmare? Or the job you thought would be a dream come true but quickly turned into a grind?

If you dig deeper, you’ll find at the core of this isn’t simply disappointment but a need to reassess our understanding of happiness itself. What if the real happiness we seek lies not in the outcome of our pursuits but in the journey itself? What if we could find meaning and contentment in the pursuit rather than solely in achieving those hard fought goals?

Taylor Swift got it right when she sings, “And they should have what they want / They deserve what they want / Hope they get what they want.” It genuinely isn’t our place to ‘yuck’ other people’s ‘yums.’ As much as we can step back and allow others to pursue their dreams, we also need to reflect on our desires without judgment or criticism.

Dreaming, Lusting, and Fighting for Externals

Let’s take a moment to explore where we might be placing our happiness on the shoulders of these so called “externals.” It is also crucial to ask ourselves: where are we giving away our happiness by tying it to achievements and identities that are inherently outside our control?

This self reflection isn’t about wallowing in negativity or pity but about recognition and acceptance. We have plenty right now. There’s so much to appreciate in life, in the present moment. It’s easy to get carried away by the desire for more, more success, more affection, more recognition. But life is often more about the little things than the big wins.

Think about the simple joys that fill your day. The feeling of the sun warming your face, the sound of laughter among friends, or the satisfaction of learning something new. These moments, it could be a warm cup of coffee in the morning or a good book in the evening can provide fulfillment.

Embracing Conditional Happiness

The world often convinces us that happiness is conditional. If I can just achieve this, then I’ll be happy. I’ll be fulfilled. I’ll be okay. But let’s challenge that narrative. Consciously or unconsciously, we have created a checklist of sorts, items that perpetually elude us, and in doing so, we condition our happiness on unrealised dreams.

We need to refocus our understanding of happiness. Instead of chasing after an outcome that we believe will bring us joy, let’s acknowledge that we can choose to feel ‘enough’ right now, in this very moment.

Finding Contentment in the Present

So how do we start finding contentment in the present? It begins with gratitude and mindfulness. Practicing gratitude teaches us to appreciate what we have rather than worry over what we don’t have. Setting aside a few moments each day to reflect on the positives can shift our mindset from one of longing to one of abundance.

Mindfulness invites us to be present, to engage fully in our experiences without overthinking what comes next. It’s about soaking in each moment, whether mundane or exhilarating. Perhaps it’s in the laughter shared with friends or the peace found in solitude that we find genuine happiness.

The Freedom to Choose

The more we remind ourselves that happiness does not hinge on external validations or achievements, the more liberated we become. We can focus on our values, our passions, and what truly matters to us, unbothered by pressures or expectations.

Stepping back gives others the freedom to pursue their paths without interference. But as we do that, let’s also check in with ourselves. How much have we tied our identity to what we own or achieve?

Conclusion: The Journey to Happiness

In the end, the quest for happiness is a journey riddled with ups and downs, triumphs and disappointments. Recognising the bittersweet nature of our pursuits can help us cultivate a more profound sense of satisfaction and peace with ourselves and our lives.

So go ahead, dream big, but also remember that fulfillment can be found right now, in the present moment. Allow yourself to enjoy life with all its messiness and unpredictability. Let’s step back from the treadmill of incessant pursuit, focusing instead on cherishing what we already have because that’s where the true essence of happiness lies.

As we navigate through life, let’s keep in mind that happiness isn’t a destination; it’s a state of being. Here’s to embracing life as it is and finding joy in every stumble and success along the way!